FPS Players Ruining my Reputation

(The First, Best and Definitive First Person Shooter)

I'm a big video game fan and player. I'm modest in my abilities because I realize I am awful. I play casually and often am harassed and teased by others for being a "gamer". I am going to try to set the record straight and clear my name. Yes, I enjoy video games, but I am not one of the people worth mocking.

I enjoy First Person Shooter games, which by nature are looked down upon as the most pathetic, over indulgent, violent, and simple game that any neanderthal could pick up besides anything in the Madden series, Ya Dood. I have plenty of experience in PC and console multiplayer online FPS games: Halo 1 and 2, Rainbow Six games, Quake, Team Fortress Classic, The Orange Box, Call of Duty, Unreal Tournament, and the list could go on, I think I can say that I have the knowledge and authority to speak about games and other gamers. If you disagree, tough nuggets. Sign into your account, challenge me to a game, join my party, sit next to me on my couch and witness who I end up getting matched against in various games and then dispute my statement. N00b

The Redneck FPS'er is some one we all have played against. Usually its a male with a Southern Accent who takes great offense to people from other countries. Plenty of mid afternoon games involve people in Europe that are 6 or more hours ahead of U.S. time are usually flooded with people speaking a foreign language and angry Rednecks screaming at them to speak English. Rednecks also get very very upset when some one takes their weapon or vehicle of choice. They assume every player in the world knows that they are the best with a Sniper rifle, or Tank and will make it clear to not disrespect them by picking up a weapon at a spawn point. The Redneck also is an internet tough guy and calls everyone a bitch or a faggot or uses the ever relevant and funny "Your mother..." jokes to verbally beat down any one who challenges them. One of the most obnoxious ways you realize you have a shitty Redneck FPS'er is the constant background noise on their mic's. Barking dogs, nagging wives, neglected children crying the whole match. I can only imagine a big fat wife with a mumu on and rollers in her hair, one child hanging off each tit, standing in the corner of the trailer while Mr. Cool FPS'er is kicking the dog for walking in front of the TV ruining a perfect no scope head shot and blowing the match. These people are the scum that give Gamers and FPS players a bad image.

The Trench Coat Mobster is too much of a time bomb with mental issues to join the military. The Trench Coat Mobster is notorious for long gaming sessions. During these long gaming sessions with his "clan" he often will use military lingo and try to employ military strategies for a FUCKING VIDEO GAME. If you stray from his plan, or fail to cover this head case, or lose the match he will explode, get out of control because he takes the game personally. Life or death. Over the top does not describe this guys attitude. He's preparing for war. Against the football players, the science teacher and even the cops. Watch your back after you play, he will be holding the Alpha team in position ready to , plant a C4 device, breach your door, and fire on command. Take no prisoners, give no mercy.

The Juggalo Homie 420 Hip Hop crew are obnoxious, often similar to the Redneck FPS'er. Most of these players have 420 in their player names ex: Juggalo420 , xXBurnin420Xx , 420BongRippa and so on. They also call everyone bitch. Even if they loose the Juggalo Homies will talk shit after the match like they won, often citing your mother as an insult. They also announce from time to time what they are smoking or drinking and if their girlfriend is in the next room topless. They believe player playing, except for them, is a virgin and cant get laid. Audio channels are also drowned out by today's blazin' new hip hop. Kotton Mouth Kings, ICP, Lil Wayne, or any other stuff that is suppose to be intimidating to crank for 30 minutes at a time. These skinny brats wearing basket ball jerseys, side ways hats and big gold pendants on chains purchased at the silver pagoda in the middle of the mall have no idea how much they embarrass themselves when they open their mouth, and cause so much negative attention to other video game players.

7 year olds are my personal top perpetrators of giving the idea of playing games a negative connotation. They camp out, use the same cheap tactics and strategies, "own noobs", have obnoxious prepubescent high voices, are on late at night when any logical parents would tell little Ryder,Tucker, Hunter, or Shiloh to be in bed early on a school night. If there are a few of them in a game or party they probably are friends in real life and party up to play, and often talk nonsense shit about school to each other. Sorry Ryder, no one has any desire to hear about how you had a Pee fight with Jacob after 4th period. These players make everyone feel like a shithead when they lose to children. And makes you feel like a shithead for beating children. Its a children's game if they play. The world thinks you enjoy childish games and playing with children. I enjoy playing video games.

The last problematic player of FPS games that is most detrimental to reputation is the Super Fan Uber Gamer. This guy has 10000 hrs logged in, has every video game and is an expert at all of them. His user name is usually some Japanese Anime character or Final Fantasy character's name "SepirothSushimi" The Uber Gamer enjoys using glitches to show off skills. He is everywhere at one time killing you and your teammates with out giving you a fucking second to get your bearings of here you are on the map. This asshole also keeps his mic on the whole match and just breathes in a labored fashion because the weight of his chest is crushing his lungs. Between swigs of mountain dew and mixed handfuls of skittles and cheetos, this guy will keep his Kill/Death ratio above 2.0. This guy is the the ruler of his clan. He ruins gaming for every one else because he is the supreme winner, chancellor of excellence, and knows every trick in the book to maintain his virtual superiority. His dedication and fear of day light keep him gaming long hours and give the misconception that all gamers are extreme oddities and antisocial unclean condescending savants.

To put things in perspective, I like to consider myself a casual gamer. I enjoy gaming, I like FPS games, I keep my mouth shut during matches, I don't have strategies. I play to play, win or lose. Of course I enjoy winning, but if I don't so be it. Its just a game, and I don't need to call people a bitch because of it. I how ever get more annoyed and worked up being lumped in with the assholes that play games and give regular Joe everyday working members of society a bad wrap.